Grief Retreat Coming to Dar al Islam, November 13-16

By Karima Alavi
All photos, compliments of Aimee Wilson

Únashay's outdoor kitchen and community space

This November, for the first time, Dar al Islam will be the site of a grief retreat, “Becoming Sanktuaree” co-hosted by unashay and TEN (The Emergence Network.) Unashay offers land and community-based presence, sanctuary, and creative arts for those who are grieving. Abiquiu’s own Aimee Wilson is the founding Executive Director of this organization that helps people take time to court, rather than “fix” what hurts. With gatherings in Abiquiu and other New Mexico sites such as Albuquerque and Santa Fe, the intention is to recognize and honor the Rio Abaja Rio, or River Beneath the River. According to the unashay website, the River Beneath the River is a “vibrancy running from below which, when not tended, begins to erode and turn into a thousand different arrows upon itself and the ‘other’: and when tended, flowers into a thousand different petals.”

Aimée Wilson, Listener/ Executive Director of únashay and co-host of Becoming Sanktuaree

Aimee Wilson and the Early Seeds of Unashay
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Before moving to Abiquiu, Aimee Wilson (who uses the pronoun They) worked as a social worker in Philadelphia, helping women as they transitioned from being unhoused to finding a home. They’ve also turned to music and art as a means to reach out to people.

They moved to Abiquiu in the autumn of 2017. When they first came to Abiquiu, they had lost their mother very suddenly. Within that same year, Aimee also lost their best friend. With the loss of the two people most important to them, Aimee says they felt isolated and became “a shell of a being,” even among the comforting beauty of the surrounding land. Dealing with their own grief at that time, the idea of unashay came from the visceral experience of longing, and the need to understand what other people do when they go through loss. That’s what led them to enter the work of grief counseling.

​Another element of Aimee’s work is a series of Noria Grief Cafes. These small gatherings that take place around New Mexico are named for the Arabic word for Water Wheel, referencing the way something can reach deep within river water and pull up something that was stuck until there’s a great release. More information on these free gatherings can be found here: https://unashayhome.com/noria-cafe

Noria Grief Café, Albuquerque, NM

What is the purpose of the Sanktuaree Program to be held in Abiquiu?

With many people feeling embedded in a socio-cultural-political climate that encourages us to pursue hyper-individuality and control, we’re endlessly distracted from making contact with wounds that lie beneath the messages of modernity. The purpose of Becoming Sanktuaree is to inhabit the sanctuaries we dearly long for by offering experiential community-held spaces of inquiry, presence, encounter and creation while acknowledging stories of those who feel taken by grief. Attendees will participate in sharing dialogue, listening deeply, being present, and building relationships. The hope is to embolden participants to enter into a lived experience of sanctuary in their own bodies, homes, and communities—something that includes community with our other-than-human kin, such as the four wolf-hybrids that live in Abiquiu with Aimee Wilson, and help “host” people visiting the site. And what is meant by “Sanctuary”? Aimee and the other host, Aerin Dunford, imagine it as places (within us, and outside us) where we welcome the experience of sitting with, and touching our shared pain and beauty.

Aerin Dunford, Lead Weaver of The Emergence Network (TEN) and co-host of Becoming Sanktuaree

Who is this program for?

For grief-workers, death doulas, care givers, artists, people concerned about the ways we are living in these strange end-times, spiritual seekers, disillusioned activists and those wanting to connect, despite wounds around connection. It’s for those who want to put into practice what is learned and co-created in this space. People willing to turn toward their pain. It’s for parents, educators, therapists, and those who simply feel isolated and are grieving in these times.

Logistics of the upcoming session:

The session is actually a hybrid program with Thursday Zoom-only sessions on October 2, 16 and 30, leading toward a final hybrid Zoom and in-person event that coincides with the arrival of onsite participants at Dar al Islam. Participants can select an entirely online experience, or they can join others for the in-person gathering in Abiquiu.

On-site participants will arrive in the early afternoon of Thursday, November 13, and depart on the morning of Sunday, November 16. Seated atop a rural mesa in Abiquiu, New Mexico, where the high desert meets riparian woodlands, Dar al Islam is a non-profit education and retreat facility. For further information on Dar al Islam, you can read the article, “Out of the Earth of America; The Built Environment and Communal Ethics of Abiquiu’s Dar al Islam” by board members Dr. Fatima van Hattum (who grew up in Abiquiu), and Dr. Asma Sayeed. Click here to access that article:  https://themaydan.com/2023/05/out-of-the-earth-of-america-the-built-environment-and-communal-ethics-of-abiquius-dar-al-islam/

Please note: The registration deadline for Becoming Sanktuaree is next week: THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 25

How to register for the Becoming Sanktuaree retreat:

There are different pricing scales for those who sign up only for on-line participation and those who wish to add a stay at Dar al Islam at the end of the four zoom meetings. You can find detailed information on fees and the sliding scale at this website: https://form.typeform.com/to/fl4a6iGf

When I spoke to Aimee last week, they noted that there were already 40 people registered for the full program, including the gathering in Abiquiu, and 174 registrations for the four online Zoom gatherings. People will be joining from all over the world. In fact, on the day of our interview, the newest guest had registered from Zimbabwe.

Special Program on Saturday, November 15, 2:00 -10:00 pm. OPEN to the PUBLIC:

The biggest challenge Aimee and others face in their attempt to reach out to those in need is funding. A core group of 12 volunteers, or “companions” is involved in expanding unashay work to include bringing services, or even something as simple as a friendly visit, to people in need of both emotional and physical assistance. Unashay recently partnered with Gerard’s House in Santa Fe, a safe place that offers support and crisis response to children, teens, parents, and adult caregivers, including seven weekly grief support groups in both English and Spanish.

Northern NM volunteer “Companions,” a regional and virtual web of grief workers, that support únashay's free community services)

Unashay also plans to do on-call home visits, but they need funding for training retreats. With financial support being withdrawn from many organizations that provide much-needed services, unashay is reaching out to people who would like to assist and support their work.

For this reason, the weekend program will take time on Saturday, November 15 to offer a series of events that are opened to the public. Funds from ticket sales for the five-course meal will be divided between unashay and another organization called the Earthseed Black Arts Alliance. This nonprofit organization is led by Nikesha Breeze, a multidisciplinary artist living in Taos, and supports black youth through arts outreach.     ​

Sometimes, you just gotta dance. unashay volunteer grief counselors preparing dinner.

How you can help, while enjoying a day of inspiration: Special program on November 15

On Saturday, November 15, Unashay Grief Sanctuary will host a day at the stunning adobe vaulted complex of Dar al Islam in Abiquiu, New Mexico to fundraise for its land-based sanctuary and core programs for the underserved grieving of Northern New Mexico, and beyond. 
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Beloved friends, partners, council, neighbors, artists and more will convene at the mosque to connect, listen, walk the land, raise support, create, and experience sanctuary. In a time where loneliness has become an epidemic, and unmet grief resides below and between so much of the world's preventable suffering, we long to inhabit sanctuary in its myriad of forms.

This day is an invitation to do just that.

It is not designed to be a '1-off event', to proclaim a message, and later resume our lives. It is, rather, meant to quicken a memory--that we are already such sanctuaries, in the miraculous hem of our everyday lives, and examine how we can continue living into such beingness, if we choose.

​The day will include a number of ways to participate. Guests are welcome to attend any one part, or the entire day. See the day's outline below, and explore the different ticket options on the unashay events page at
https://opencollective.com/unashay-sanctuary/events/grief-feast-sanktuaree-fundraiser-edcfffd3

Dr. Bayo Akomolafe, únashay Board Advisor and (online) guest-host for Becoming Sanktuaree. He will also share an online talk Saturday, November 15th just before the community "Grief Feast" at Dar al Islam.

2 to 6pm⎯ Sanktuaree Bazaar + Dr. Bayo Akomolafe, followed by Community Discourse. Attend the “Sanktuaree Bazaar” (which will be a bazaar of experiential spaces) from 2 to 6pm⎯ to roam the stunning vaulted complex of Dar al Islam, and experience the different forms of sanctuary our trans-local participants collaboratively build and share. Dr. Bayo Akomolafe will share a public talk and end with an open community discourse, among elders and community members.

Participants from our former two-month Becoming Sanktuaree experience will have co-created physical experiences of sanctuary throughout the hallways and rooms of Dar al Islam. Guests are welcome to walk these hallways, experiencing the sanctuaries-within-the-sanctuary, joining us for this pre-feast of the soul.... before we partake in a physical feast.

Note: Due to recent issues with travel to the U.S. from overseas, Dr. Akomolafe will be joining by Zoom, rather than in person.

6p to 8pm⎯ Grief Feast with Nikesha Breeze
This ritual dinner will be co-hosted by Earthseed Black Arts Alliance and unashay. It will be a slow five-course meal, with powerful Taos artist Nikesha Breeze to court us through each part of the meal representing different layers of grief. Proceeds from this portion of the night will be split between Earthseed and unashay. The delicious dinner will be presented by Kohinoor, a catering company owned by Rehana Archuletta, one of several children who grew up on the Dar al Islam property.

8 to 10pm⎯  Music Performance with Luz Elena Mendoza (of Y L Bamba)
Old friend Luz Elena Mendoza will perform an intimate solo set to close out the day. Between Luz's siren voice and the stunning vaulted ceilings of Dar al Islam, this is not a night to be missed. 

** Guests who travel to attend this day are welcome to book affordable dormitory-style accommodation at Dar al Islam on 11/15, for an additional fee (until we sell out!). Or, find alternative housing at nearby Abiquiu Inn, Ojo Caliente Hot Mineral Springs, Ghost Ranch, local Airbnbs, camping sites, etc. Recommended to book asap!

** Proceeds from the Sanktuaree Bazaar, Bayo Akomolafe's community discourse, and Luz Mendoza's performance will support Únashay Grief Sanctuary’s development and community services for the underserved grieving. Proceeds from the Grief Feast will support both Earthseed Black Arts Alliance and unashay.

Tickets for separate SATURDAY events, or for the full day, are available at:
https://opencollective.com/unashay-sanctuary/events/grief-feast-sanktuaree-fundraiser-edcfffd3

​Important registration information:
Because the caterer needs a headcount for the Grief Feast on Saturday November 15, the registration deadline for the FIVE-COURSE MEAL is SUNDAY, NOV. 9
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You can register for all other November 15 activities up to the day of the event.