Abiquiu News
  • Home
    • News 05/30/2025
    • News 05/23/2025
    • News 05/16/2025
    • News 05/09/2025
    • News 05/02/2025
    • News 04/25/2025
    • News 04/18/2025
    • News 04/11/2025
    • News 04/04/2025
    • Criteria for Submissions
  • News and Features
  • Dining
  • Lodging
  • Arts
  • Bloom Blog
  • Activities / Classes
    • Birding
  • Tech Tips
  • Classifieds
  • Real Estate
  • Real Estate by Owner
  • Support
  • Home
    • News 05/30/2025
    • News 05/23/2025
    • News 05/16/2025
    • News 05/09/2025
    • News 05/02/2025
    • News 04/25/2025
    • News 04/18/2025
    • News 04/11/2025
    • News 04/04/2025
    • Criteria for Submissions
  • News and Features
  • Dining
  • Lodging
  • Arts
  • Bloom Blog
  • Activities / Classes
    • Birding
  • Tech Tips
  • Classifieds
  • Real Estate
  • Real Estate by Owner
  • Support

How to Dress Yourself More Better for Tango, My Man—and Also for Life

2/5/2025

2 Comments

 
Let’s just get this out of the way: I dance Argentine tango.
By Zach Hively

Despite what some family members have asked out loud, Argentine tango is not a weird sex thing. It is intensely intimate at times, yes, and sometimes it is over way too soon. I also know what a lot of married women’s shampoo smells like.
But, in my years of experience, every one of my fellow dancers has been—and has remained, for the duration of the dance—fully clothed.
Picture
Sometimes, that is the best thing I can say for my fellow dancers’ wardrobe choices: that they are, in fact, wearing things. Also! I can confidently say, just by looking at them and with no other context, that these dancers have dressed themselves.

Which dancers? Well, one of the things I love about tango today is the way the community is prying apart binary gender roles. Followers are not always women, and leaders are not always not-women. Space for queer tango is growing, as is space for trans people in tango, and space for cis-gendered people to role-switch.

This culture of growing acceptance makes me balk at criticizing any particular demographic for its underwhelming tango fashion but it’s men.

It’s always men.

Everyone Else in tango recognizes that how they present themselves reflects their care and dedication to the dance, and that doing so with even marginal intent improves their chances of getting to dance. At the very least, Everyone Else reduces the likelihood of embarrassing themselves with the equivalent of showing up to senior prom in a baggy paper sack.

Men, I am increasingly convinced, cannot be embarrassed, even though they should be.

#notallmen, of course. Like, not me. I can be embarrassed. That’s why I have such a snobbish attitude about dressing well for this most complex, subtle, rebellious yet also gentrified dance. My snobbishness stems from my discovery that I can pay someone, for less than the cost of a new shirt at Ross, to clean and press my existing ones.

Are crisp shirts the main reason I get dances? No—they are the only reason. Pressed shirts add a certain, how do you say, sense that you don’t always live out of a laundry basket. Everyone Else finds this a desirable quality, or at least a baseline requirement.
​
(Also, I respect when a woman declines to dance with me and I do not speak poorly of her. Not even on the internet. But this reason is probably secondary to my shirts.)
Picture
Thus, I swear that men, used to getting a very great deal of what they want with very little resistance, could actually get more dances and jobs and loan forgiveness and such in all areas of life if only they would put any effort at all into their wardrobe.

So, here is my expert guide for How to Dress Yourself More Better for Tango, My Man—and Also for Life, divvied into four tiers according to your level of entry:

Basic Tier
•            Wear clothes that fit.
•            Not clothes that used to fit.
•            And not clothes you want to fit.
•            And definitely not clothes that fit in the sense that a sandwich fits inside a Toyota Camry.
•            Clothes that fit function well with the shape of your body as it is.
•            Bonus points if you figure out the right orientation for stripes to make you look better than you actually do, without the strain of sucking in your gut.
•            Could you wear those clothes golfing? Then don’t wear them to dance.
•            Don’t wear them anywhere at all, really.
•            Not even for golfing.
•            Does the shirt tuck in? Then tuck it in.
•            Unless it’s a shirt not meant to be tucked.
•            Or a style that doesn’t demand it.
•            But when in doubt, tuck it.
•            And then wear a belt.
•            A real belt, with a buckle.
•            Also with loops.
•            Then, adjust the belt to fit. A droopy belt makes us imagine what else droops.
•            We all love that you did that 5k fun run or saw the Steve Miller Band in concert.
•            But don’t wear the tee.
•            Unless you’re attending a function with the word “picnic” in the name and the event will be held in daylight from start to end, best to avoid screen-prints altogether.

Cheat Code: You don’t need a big budget to own yourself. Find your style at the thrift store. You never have to worry about your clothes going out of style if you’re the one bringing them back into style.

Manning-Up Tier
•            You might think your stonewashed jeans are stylish.
•            They are not.
•            Unless bolo ties are standard issue where you’re going, ditch the denim.
•            But not for shorts. Dear Tim Gunn, not for shorts.
•            Slacks are not that hard, my man. And they’re comfy.
•            Especially if you buy them four inches too large in the waist and have someone take in the waist to the appropriate size.
•            Then your legs have room to actually move.
•            Yeah yeah, skinny pants are sometimes in. Don’t care. If you can manage skinny pants in public, you don’t need this expert guide.
•            Shirt come untucked? Tuck it back in.
Picture
Gentleman’s Tier
•            Find your colors.
•            And yes, black and white are colors.
•            Consider your ability to move.
•            Will you be plucking clothes out of your various crevasses whenever you stand up?
•            Can people picture you naked without using their imagination?
•            Do you want them to?
•            (No. You don’t.)
•            Long sleeves rolled up look classier than short sleeves.
•            I am the author of this guide, and my opinion is gospel.
•            But you do you, babe.
•          That said: If you wear short sleeves and look like somebody’s—anybody’s—dad on vacation or a stock photo for casual Friday, please return to the Basic Tier.

Ooh La La Tier
•            Grooming is not just for horses.
•            A little care for your hair, everywhere it can be seen, will stand you a lot apart from your fellow man.
•            Yes, even that one lone hair.
•            Especially that one.
•            Accessorize.
•            Damn right, accessorize. Rings or cuffs or watches or cute socks.
•            Anything, really, to infuse some personality for all those people who can’t see, or don’t care to see, the work you put into your car or other male personality extender.
•            I wear ascots, for instance.
•            So choose something else.

Basically, my man, my men:

We all need to show up better in the world, in tango and out. Sure, we need to show up as trustworthy friends, and protectors, and partners, and leaders, and firemen and astronauts and civil servants and stuff too. But dressing the part is both essential, and easier. It’s literally the least we can do—putting ourselves together to give the impression that we care.
If enough of us do this, the next great differentiator can be actually caring. But my hopes for us aren’t that high. We can’t even keep our shirts tucked in.
 
2 Comments
Patricia Kent
2/7/2025 06:49:49 pm

Thank you thank you thank you ... I want to see " put together" men ..... especially ones who can dance...be still my heart 💜

Reply
Ed Hansford
2/15/2025 12:19:07 pm

Oh Zach, you make me laugh. This piece is just perfect! How right you are. Reminds me of the many conversations I had with my children ( mostly my sons, of course) and the importance of dressing for the occasion. Part of the significance you bestow upon an event, is the way you dress for it. Too often now I think we dress down too much. Good for you!

It also reminds me of a song....as does almost everything. Check out 'Picking Out My Outfit' by my favorite singer/songwriter Chuck Pyle on YouTube. It's a must!

Thanks again for this.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Submit your ideas for local feature articles
    Profiles
    Gardening
    Recipes
    Observations
    Birding
    ​Essays
    ​Hiking

    Authors

    You!
    Regular contributors
    Sara Wright Observations
    Brian Bondy
    Hilda Joy
    Greg Lewandowski
    ​Zach Hively
    Jessica Rath
    ​AlwayzReal

    Archives

    May 2025
    April 2025
    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    November 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018

    Categories

    All
    AlwayzReak
    AlwayzReal
    Brian
    Felicia Fredd
    Fools Gold
    Hikes
    History
    Jessica Rath
    Karima Alavi
    Observations
    Profiles
    Recipes
    Reviews
    Rocks And Fossils
    Sara Wright
    Tina Trout
    Zach Hively

    RSS Feed

affiliate_link